We've all been there...
Say someone talks about you behind your back...your hear about this through the grape vine...you feel hurt, full of emotion, but what do we do with this emotion?
On one level thoughts are rushing, how could they, how dare they, why me? And indeed your right! Let's have a look at this...
Why would they talk about you behind your back? If they had an issue with you or even perhaps a genuine concern, why was that person unable to come to you, and express those feelings directly...
Let me run through a few possibilities...
Their criticising you because your situation or how you are reminds them of their own happiness in their life
Perhaps when they were younger they watched their parents shout at each other and not revolve their conflicts peacefully, so confrontation leaves them feeling scared and unheard
Perhaps they love you and genuinely care about you but are just completely unable to find the words to tell you
Or sometimes if a person had unstable relationships with the ones they loved in their childhood they think they have to be in competition for people's love and have to put you down so they don't miss out on the love they crave
Reminds us of the playground doesn't it!?!? And it's no different really 🐥
So...where does this leave you in all of it...and how do we forgive?
When we shift our thinking, and consider why someone else would do this it is easier to see how that person is coming from a state of lack in their rationale.
And in this way, it is harder to resent that person and hold a grudge because your able to witness that within their thinking, all they were really trying to do was to protect themselves from hurt.
Which is a real shame, because if they embraced their hurt they wouldn't feel the need to subcontract that onto another person and would heal themselves back into loving themselves for all they are.
Seems pretty simple when we look at like this huh??
So next time you feel hurt from another's actions or words, go inside.
Ask yourself how this made you feel, register it and allow yourself to feel all you need to compassionately before looking to solve or resolve it.
Then the magic happens...
Your giving yourself time. Time to feel and time to understand. How do I feel about this, why am I hurt, and am I reacting to this because of how I feel now or because of something in the past...?
The magic is, that once you've done this for you first, when you do this for another it becomes so much easier.
By being self loving to yourself, forgiveness becomes a rolling stream. Your letting go. Trying to understand and trying to love.
There are no medals for this of course, and the other person might never even appreciate that this is what your doing...
Who needs a medal when you can walk down the road with a head held high and a happy heart ❤️
Go you 🐵